In a plot twist that sounds like a rejected Black Mirror episode, Satoshi Nakamoto—the elusive creator of Bitcoin who may or may not be a guy, a girl, a group, or a very shy alien—has officially become the 11th richest person on Earth. That’s right. A person no one has ever seen, heard from, or shared a LinkedIn post with, is now wealthier than 99.9999% of the population.

According to financial whisperers and crypto seers, Nakamoto’s alleged stash of 1.1 million bitcoins is now worth enough to buy 25 medium-sized countries, fund a Marvel reboot starring actual cats, or finally pay for Mumbai’s metro construction delays.

Still, the world’s richest enigma hasn’t made a single move. His Bitcoin wallet remains untouched like a museum exhibit, leading conspiracy theorists to speculate that he’s either dead, in hiding, on vacation in the metaverse, or simply lost his password.

Jeff Bezos, when asked for comment, reportedly blinked twice in jealousy and began pricing out rocket launchpads on Mars to regain dominance.

Meanwhile, cryptocurrency fans rejoiced at the news, claiming it proves “holding forever” is a viable financial strategy—despite their own wallets resembling abandoned deserts post-2022 crash.

As governments debate how to tax someone who may not even legally exist, the rest of us continue to work 9-to-5s, watching digital ghosts climb Forbes lists while struggling to get refunds from Swiggy.

In conclusion, the richest mystery man is still a mystery. And we, the people, remain just poor and confused.